What does a man think when he falls in love?
Is it any different from how women fall in love?
Both genders are part of the human species, so there are certainly some similarities between how men and women fall in love.
Despite the similarities, it’s pretty obvious that a man’s brain doesn’t operate exactly the same as a woman’s.
How Men (And Women) Go from Romantic Love to Attachment Love
In the earliest stages of falling in love, both men and women experience a chemical reaction in the reward center of the brain.
If you’ve been there, then you know that intoxicating feeling all too well.
This reaction triggers a flood of neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin as well as sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone.
During this time, both men and women can quite literally be “high” on love — otherwise known as the infatuation or romantic stage of love.
Inevitably, however, the flood of chemicals subside and the brain returns to a baseline state.
This paves the way for the attachment stage of love.
It can happen in as little as a few months or it can take as long as two to three years.
During romantic love, a man isn’t typically thinking long-term about his partner, even if he’s seeing her exclusively.
Unlike women, men don’t think about commitment very seriously early on in the relationship.
Men mostly live in the present and are just thrilled to be having fun and enjoying the novelty and mystery of getting to know a woman.
Once the chemical reaction wanes, however, a man becomes more aware of the need to make a decision.
Does he want to continue on to the attachment stage of love, or does he want to move on?
Here’s what men are typically thinking about when they’re leaning more toward attachment love.
He thinks positively about the “whole package.”
There’s a fair bit of truth in saying that both men and women are typically the most shallow and judgmental early on in a relationship.
Of course, men have a bad reputation for valuing nothing but a woman’s physical beauty and sex appeal in the early stages of courtship.
Although men certainly do take interest in women because they’re physically attracted to her, as a relationship progresses, physical appearance becomes less important.
When a man falls in love, he doesn’t just think about how physically beautiful his girlfriend his — he thinks about her personality and individual characteristics in a positive light too.
Men will get bored of a woman if all she has to offer is good looks.
To fall in love, past infatuation and onto the long-term stage of attachment love, he needs to be captivated by the unique person that she is.
In other words, it’s what’s on the inside that really counts!
He thinks about how he makes her happy.
Men are naturally goal-oriented, and one of their most innate qualities is to make the woman their with happy.
If a man sees that he makes his woman happy over the course of the relationship, he gets an ego boost and feels like an accomplished man.
The trend of making her happy also feeds his motivation to keep trying to make her happy.
With a good track record, he feels confident that he can do it.
He thinks about how she’s consistently open to loving him.
At the core of our very nature, men are givers and women are receivers.
A woman who knows how to receive well needs to maintain openness on both a physical and emotional level.
For instance, a man feels loved when he touches her and instead of shying away, she reacts positively and inviting to his touch.
He also feels loved when he does something for her and she accepts it graciously — or when he talks about a problem he’s having and she listens intently.
He thinks about how playful she is with him.
A man whose woman doesn’t engage in play with him will soon begin to feel like he’s in a relationship with another man (on an energetic level, at least).
Since men are naturally goal-oriented achievers who find it hard to express their emotions, they spend a lot of their time in “hard-working” mode where they need to be focused, analytical, and even aggressive.
But men need to have fun too, and since they’re not little boys anymore, they need women to help bring that playful side out of them.
Play is also a natural component of sex, which men of course love.
He thinks about how much she admires him and accepts him for who he is.
Men are often more insecure than they’ll admit, so it helps bring a man’s confidence levels up a lot if he knows that the woman he’s with looks up to him with genuine admiration and appreciation.
At the same time, he has to know that she doesn’t just admire him for his job, his money, his house, or the gifts he buys her.
He needs to know that she admires him for who he is as a person and that she fully accepts every part of him.
He thinks about how good he feels when he’s around her.
Men are emotional creatures too, meaning that a man will certainly consider whether he feels more positive than negative when he’s around his woman.
A lot of what was covered already above ties into this point.
A man feels good when he knows he can make his woman happy, he likes her interns of the whole package, he feels her openness to his love, she’s playful, she admires him, and she accepts him for who he is.
On the other hand, if he feels bad when he’s around her — perhaps overly criticized, used for what he can offer, cut off from her emotions, or just plain emasculated — then he’s probably going to have a negative reaction to whether he’s really in love.
He thinks about how comfortable and safe he feels with her.
A sense of safety is typically known to be a major quality that women look for in men, but men need it from women too — mostly on an emotional level.
A man needs to feel like his woman offers a safe space where he can let his guard down, stop acting so macho all the time, and actually express what he’s feeling.
If he feels comfortable enough to do this with his woman, that’s a big plus for him.
He feels emotionally connected to her.
Building on the topic of emotional expression, it’s pretty clear that men aren’t naturally great at opening up and showing their emotions, so they tend to rely on women to help them.
At its core, femininity is characterized by openness, expression, and vulnerability.
When a man notices these very feminine characteristics from the woman he’s with, it encourages him to also open up, express himself, and even get a little bit vulnerable.
As a result, he feels more balanced and whole as a person.
He thinks about how she loves and values herself.
It’s true that men feel sad, emotionally cut-off, and even rejected when they see the woman they’re with belittling herself or showing signs of low self-confidence.
Men want women to love themselves so that they can love them too.
When a woman loves every part of herself and shows it by taking good care of herself physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually, it sends the message that she’s a high-value woman.
He thinks about the level of physical intimacy he gets to enjoy.
Very few relationships between men and women can last over the long run with little to no sex.
While women typically feel more connected to men by talking about their feelings, men feel connection through sex and physical affection.
It has a lot to do with experiencing a woman’s openness, her acceptance of him, and the act of vulnerability that it takes to engage in sex.
If a man is satisfied with his sex life and overall level of physical affection (kissing, hugging, cuddling, caressing) that he’s getting out of his relationship, he’s likely to be in it for the long haul.
He thinks about how her good qualities outweighs her bad ones.
At some point in every relationship once the romantic love stage peaks, each partner starts to idealize the other a lot less and begins seeing them as a real person with flaws and imperfections.
A man who’s on his way to the attachment stage of love won’t worry too much about his woman’s addiction to expensive handbags or habit of being kind of disorganized if he knows that she’s a genuinely a good person who admires him and is always open to loving him.
Men know that women aren’t perfect, and they don’t want them to be.
As long as her negative qualities aren’t total dealbreakers (like extreme debt or hoarder-like messiness), then he’s going to be more focused on her good qualities than her bad ones.
He thinks about her nurturing qualities.
There comes a time in a man’s life when he’s reached a certain age, he’s professionally/financially secure, and he’s happy with the woman he’s with that he starts to really notice her nurturing, mother-like qualities.
This is when a man starts taking his level of commitment as serious as ever and beings thinking about the real possibility of having a family with her.
If he thinks of his woman as kind, generous, and selfless (often with a natural drive for taking care of others and domestic duties), then he’s going to think very positively and warmly about having her as the mother of his children.
He thinks that his purpose and life path is in alignment with hers.
A man can be in love with a woman when he can check off all of the above requirements, but if his life path doesn’t match hers, the love can’t last.
This typically requires serious discussions about the future and “big” life goals like career moves, where each partner wants to live, if or when each partner wants to get married, and if or when each partner wants to have kids.
If a man knows what he wants for his future, but what his woman wants conflicts with it, then no matter how in love they are, someone is going to have to give something up or at least make a huge compromise in order to keep the relationship going.
A man has to know what his woman wants for her future and feel confident that he can be her partner through it.
So What Does a Man Think When He Falls in Love?
To sum it up, a man feels an expansion in his soul, right from his very core, when he falls in love.
Women do too — it’s just that women feel it more from their feminine standpoint as opposed to men’s masculinity.
As a result, a man thinks abut himself, his woman, his relationship, and his life very positively.
If a man feels like his soul is retracting or stagnating rather than expanding, forcing him to withdraw or seek out his needs elsewhere, then he’s going to have to eventually face the cold hard truth that he’s not in love.
Keep in mind that the romantic love stage (early stage) is different than the attachment love stage (long-term stage).
One is characterized by reward, the other is characterized by empathy.
For lasting love, both partners in a relationship need to get to the attachment stage.
It may not be as intoxicating or as exciting as the romantic stage, but once a man gets there, he’ll probably realize that it’s exactly where he wants and needs to be.